Informant report · 60 observations · 15 patterns
Narcissism and abuse test A reading of the person next to you
We will not tell you «he is a narcissist». We will show what exactly he does — and what that does to you. You answer 60 observations about the behaviour of the person next to you (a partner, a parent, a boss or a friend) and about your own state around them, and you get a map of 15 patterns: devaluation, rewriting reality, control, isolation, emotional swings. It is a way to name what is usually called an abusive or toxic relationship — without labels and without diagnoses. 60 questions, 8–10 minutes; taking the test is free, no sign-up, and we never ask for the person's name.
The map of 15 patterns — right after the answers, free · Full analysis — 790 ₽
- Devaluation
- Rewriting reality
- Control and boundaries
- Punishment and swings
- What happens to you
- 60observations, 8–10 minutes
- 15patterns across two blocks
- 4roles: partner, parent, boss, friend
- 0labels and diagnoses
Demo
Four observations out of sixty
The full test shows six statements per screen and five frequency steps — from «never» to «almost always». We do not ask what you think of this person; we ask how often you have seen it.
These four come from the block about your own state around them. There are no right answers.
Your state around this person
Answer about how often it happens, not about whether it is fair.
Four items measure almost nothing — that is why the band is this wide. In the full test it is narrowed by 60 observations, 15 scales and reversed items. There are no percentiles here: this test has no normative sample, and we will not invent one.
The honest frame
We do not hand out a label. We show the mechanics
«He is a narcissist» ends the conversation. «He devalues and rewrites what happened» starts it.
A diagnosis is made by a clinician, in person, for the person who came in. We have never met this person and never will, so we will not call them a narcissist, an abuser or a manipulator. What we will name is the behaviour you described: what everyday language calls gaslighting is, in research, rewriting reality — and it is measurable, just like control, isolation and devaluation.
15 scales
instead of one «abuse level» score. Merging someone's behaviour and your own state into a single number is dishonest: they are different things, and we keep them apart.
16 of 60
items are reversed. They catch the «I came to prove he is a monster» tilt and give the analysis the right to say: this part is actually fine.
Zero advice
to leave or to stay. That decision is only yours. Our job is to give you language for what is happening and a route to real-life help.
What the test sees
Five groups, fifteen patterns
Eleven patterns describe this person's behaviour, four describe your state around them. These are separate blocks and they never add up into one score: what they do and what happens to you are not the same thing.
Behaviour block
Devaluation and grandiosity
How regularly what matters to you turns into material for a jab, while their ordinary chores turn into a reason for gratitude.
Patterns inside
- devaluation
- demand for admiration
- response to your pain
What matters here. A separate scale inside is the response to your pain: what happens when you feel bad. That is what tells a blunt person apart from one around whom it is unsafe to be weak.
Behaviour block
Rewriting reality
How often you hear that an event you remember never happened, that you exaggerate everything, that they never said that.
Patterns inside
- denial of events
- refusal to own mistakes
What matters here. The second scale here is built from reversed items: the LOWER it sits, the more often this person genuinely admits a mistake without a «but» and changes behaviour afterwards. A low score there changes a lot in the analysis.
Behaviour block
Control and boundaries
Checking up, «where are you and who with», decisions made for you, insisting after your «no» — and what happens to your friends and family.
Patterns inside
- control and checking
- boundaries
- isolation
What matters here. Isolation rarely looks like a ban. More often it is reasons why today is a bad day to meet, and a ruined mood the evening before.
Behaviour block
Punishment and swings
Silence for a day or longer, flare-ups over trifles, a raised voice — and unusual tenderness right after a hard fight.
Patterns inside
- silent treatment
- outbursts and unpredictability
- the make-up cycle
What matters here. Emotional swings are not «a difficult character» but a describable cycle: the blow-up, the reconciliation, a short good stretch that keeps getting shorter.
Your state block
What happens to you
Whether you pick words in advance, keep messages to prove to yourself how it went, and whether you have energy left after talking.
Patterns inside
- self-censorship
- doubting your own memory
- guilt by default
- exhaustion
What matters here. This describes a state, not a diagnosis for you. Some of it reverses faster than it feels — and the analysis says which part.
Scoring
How the result is calculated
- Step 1
60 observations, five frequency steps
Four items for each of the fifteen patterns — from «never» to «almost always». We count how often behaviour occurs, not how you feel about it.
- Step 2
Some items are reversed
16 of 60 are phrased «in favour» and flipped when scored. They break the automatic «yes, yes, yes» and show what is genuinely fine.
- Step 3
The two blocks are scored apart
This person's behaviour and your state around them never merge into one «abuse level»: no such number exists, and we will not invent it.
- Step 4
Zones instead of a verdict
Every pattern gets a place on a 0–100 scale and a zone: not present, noticeable, strongly present. There is no single verdict — it cannot be made from a distance.
Why there are no percentiles here
This test has no normative sample, so «more often than in 72% of couples» would be an invention. The scale shows how often the described behaviour appears in YOUR answers — that is enough to see the picture.
How it goes
How the test goes
Sixty questions about someone close is harder than sixty about yourself. We built it so you can stop at any moment and come back.
- 01
One flow, no «Next»
Every observation in a single flow: after you answer, the page glides to the next unanswered one by itself. Five frequency steps, from «never» to «almost always».
- 02
Progress always in sight
The «N of 60 answered» counter and the progress bar stay pinned to the top; unanswered items light up if you try to submit too early.
- 03
Safe to take
A quick-exit button leaves the page in one click. We never ask for the person's name — only the role. The email subject line is neutral, and a draft saves itself if you had to close the tab.
The result
What you will see after the test
On the right is a sample result page with the real block structure. The numbers are illustrative — yours will be your own.
Free, right after the test
- The map of 15 patterns with zones — computed from your answers
- A mirror of the situation: what exactly you described, in three or four sentences
- One pattern opened in full — the one that stands out most
- A crisis block with helpline numbers — always free when the answers show danger markers
Full analysis — 790 ₽
- The three main patterns in depth: how they look in life, what they do to you, why they work this way
- What is genuinely fine about this person — from the reversed scales, honestly and without a «but»
- A separate chapter on your state: self-censorship, memory, guilt, exhaustion — and what reverses
- Ready-made phrases for typical situations and how to keep a record for yourself
- A route to real-life help and what to say at the first appointment
- A permanent link to the analysis + an email copy with a neutral subject line
One payment, no subscription. Mir, Visa, Mastercard.
Why this works
An outside view is not a shortcut — it is a method
Informant-report inventories exist because in narcissism self-description is systematically distorted. The account of someone close works better than self-report here — and that is the scientific case for a test about another person.
IFFNI
The Informant Five-Factor Narcissism Inventory was built for exactly this: self-report is a poor instrument here, an informant's account is a working one.
Grandiose
narcissism is clearly visible from outside: it shows up in behaviour, and agreement between raters is high.
Vulnerable
narcissism is nearly invisible from outside — anxiety, shame and resentment are internal. This analysis does not speak about them, and we say so plainly.
Three scales
of gaslighting were validated in 2021–2025 — the construct is measurable. We take its structure and never reproduce anyone's wording.
Behaviour + effect
that is how modern coercive-control scales are built: what the person does and what it does to you, kept apart. We repeat that frame.
60 items
were written by us. The construct is free; the specific wording of other inventories is not.
What an outside view predicts
Social dysfunction — precisely where the person's own self-report predicts nothing. That is why the format makes sense.
What cannot be seen from a distance
Motives, intentions and inner states. We speak only about observable behaviour and its effect.
One source of data
This is one person's account — yours. The analysis says so in plain text, not in fine print.
Honest limitations. This is not a diagnosis — neither for this person nor for you. The test does not assess danger, does not work as evidence in court, custody or divorce, and never advises you to leave or to stay. If you are being threatened or fear for your safety, an analysis is no substitute for a crisis line — we show those numbers immediately and for free.
Who it is for
Who this test is for
About a partner
When after conversations you are increasingly unsure you remember them right, and cannot tell whether your relationship is hard or everyone lives like this.
About a parent
For adult children: to work out what exactly happens with a mother or father when love and devaluation arrive together.
About a boss or colleague
When work conversations leave you guilty for no reason, and «they are just demanding» has stopped explaining it.
About a friend
Friendship can be toxic too. Here it is read through the same patterns as any close relationship.
For those who already left
Naming what you lived through is work of its own. The analysis gives you language for it, without promising to «heal» anything.
For helping professionals
Psychologists and counsellors get a structured entry point: the client arrives with a ready map, and the first session is not spent on retelling.
Method
The test in detail
What the test measures, why it is about another person, how the 15 patterns and two blocks are built, what you get in the analysis and what we do not promise — for those who want the full picture first.
The test has two blocks and they are scored apart. The first is about the behaviour of the person next to you: eleven patterns, four observations each. The second is about your own state around them: four more scales. The split is methodological, not cosmetic — modern coercive-control scales are built exactly this way, with behaviour and its effect measured separately and never added into one score.
Every item uses a frequency scale — never, rarely, sometimes, often, almost always. We do not ask what you think about this person; we ask how often you have seen a specific behaviour. Those are different questions, and only the second one gives the analysis something to stand on.
- Devaluation and grandiosity — jabs at what matters to you, gratitude demanded for ordinary things, the response to your pain.
- Rewriting reality — what everyday language calls gaslighting: denying events, «you exaggerate», «I never said that»; separately — the ability to own a mistake.
- Control and boundaries — checking up and «where are you», decisions made for you, insisting after your «no», isolation from friends and family.
- Punishment and swings — silence for a day or longer, flare-ups over trifles, a raised voice and unusual tenderness right after a fight.
- What happens to you — self-censorship, doubting your own memory, guilt by default, exhaustion.
An outside account is not a shortcut around a «real» test but a class of instruments in its own right. Informant-report inventories exist precisely because self-description is systematically distorted where narcissistic traits are involved: self-report turns out to be a poor instrument while a close observer's account works. More than that, the outside account predicts social consequences where self-report predicts nothing.
There is an honest limit here and we state it plainly. Grandiose behaviour — demanding admiration, devaluing, bending the rules — is clearly visible from outside, because it is behaviour. The vulnerable side — anxiety, shame, resentment — is internal and barely visible. This analysis is about behaviour and its effect on you; it does not speak about the person's inner experience.
- A mirror of the situation: what exactly you described, with the person's role taken into account.
- A map of 15 patterns with zones — not present, noticeable, strongly present.
- The three main patterns in depth: how they look in life, what they do to you, why they work this way.
- A dedicated block on what is genuinely fine about this person — from the reversed scales; without it an analysis becomes a verdict.
- A chapter about your own state and what part of it reverses.
- Ready-made phrases for typical situations, a way to keep a record for yourself, and a route to real-life help.
It does not diagnose the person you are answering about. A diagnosis is made by a clinician, in person, for the person who came in; an absentee assessment based on someone else's account cannot be one, and we will not pretend otherwise. The words «narcissist», «abuser», «psychopath» will not appear in the analysis as a characteristic — a description of behaviour will.
It does not diagnose you either. The block about your state describes what is happening, not «you are codependent». It does not assess danger, does not work as evidence in court, custody or divorce, and never advises you to leave or to stay: that decision is yours, and no test has the right to make it for you.
If you are being threatened, if it reaches smashing objects, intimidation or control over your money and movement, an analysis is not the first thing you need. In that situation a call to emergency services or a crisis line matters more than any test. If your answers contain danger markers, the analysis shows a crisis block with helpline numbers first — always free, regardless of payment.
Taking the test is built with safety in mind too: we never ask for the person's name (only the role), the email subject line is neutral, and the page carries a quick-exit button — in case the person you are answering about has access to your phone.
Questions
Frequently asked questions
What people ask most before starting: can this tell whether he is a narcissist, what to do with the result, whether anyone will see the answers, and what exactly you would pay for. Straight answers — no fine print.
No — and no online test can. Narcissistic personality disorder is diagnosed by a clinician working in person with the person themselves. The test shows something else and no less useful: which behaviour patterns are pronounced in what you described, how strongly, and what they do to you. In practice that is the answer people actually need — not a label.
Free tests hand out a score and a label. We hand out a map of 15 patterns with zones and a reading of the three most pronounced ones: how they look in life, what happens to you, why it works. Plus a mandatory block on what is fine about the person, from the reversed scales. A label ends the conversation; a reading starts it.
Gaslighting is being convinced, again and again, that you remember wrongly, exaggerate or make things up — until you start doubting your own memory. In this test it is two scales at once: rewriting reality in the behaviour block and doubting your own memory in the block about your state. We take the structure of the construct from validated scales, but every item is written by us.
The test is honestly labelled as one person's account — yours — and the analysis says so in plain text. But «from outside» is the method here, not a flaw: for this subject an informant's account works better than self-report, because self-description is systematically distorted. The 17 reversed items out of 60 additionally catch a one-note answering tilt.
Yes. Every item is written about «this person» and is tied to neither gender nor role, and you pick the role before starting — partner, parent, boss, friend. The role changes the wording of the analysis: what reads as control in a couple looks different between a parent and an adult child, and the reading accounts for that.
The answers and the analysis are available by a link you receive. We never ask for the person's name — only the role. The email subject line is neutral, and the page carries a quick-exit button. That is for cases where the person you are answering about has access to your phone.
Free: the map of 15 patterns with zones, the mirror of the situation and one pattern opened in full. The crisis block with helpline numbers is always free too, whenever the answers show danger markers — we do not make money on safety. For 790 ₽ the full analysis opens: the three main patterns in depth, what is fine about the person, the chapter on your state, ready-made phrases and a route to real-life help. One payment, no subscription.
It gives you language: instead of «it is hard and I cannot explain why» you get names for specific things and a sense of where your responsibility ends. It is easier to take that to a therapist — the first session is not spent retelling the situation. What to do about the relationship itself is a decision the analysis does not make for you.
Start
Take the test and get the map of 15 patterns
60 observations, 8–10 minutes. Taking it is free and the pattern map shows right away; the full analysis is 790 ₽. We never ask for the person's name.
Related
More tests and reading
A relationship reading is one of the tools in this section: a character test and clinical questionnaires live next to it. What this page rests on is in the source list below.
Sources
- Informant Five-Factor Narcissism Inventory (IFFNI) — narcissism assessed by someone who knows the person
- Self-report and informant agreement in grandiose and vulnerable narcissism
- Validated gaslighting scales (Journal of Family Violence and others, 2021–2025)
- Coercive control instruments: Coercive Control Screening Scale, Composite Abuse Scale (Revised)
- Informant reports as predictors of social dysfunction
Other tests and questionnaires
- Personality type test
- Attachment style test
- Anxiety test (GAD-7)
- Depression test (PHQ-9)
- In-depth burnout test
- Burnout test
Related reading
The test does not diagnose — neither the person you answer about nor you. It is one person's account; it does not assess danger and is not evidence for court, custody or divorce. If you are being threatened or fear for your safety, call your local emergency number or a crisis line.